How Do I Get My Toddler To Play Independently?

Written by Rebecca in Toddlers

Toddlers playing independently is a developmental stage. It’s not something that they inherently can do straightaway when they start walking. It’s something that comes to them when they’re ready. Toddlers need to be shown how to play and given the right tools such as age-appropriate toys in order to start learning this skill.

Here, I shall show you some ways that you can help teach your toddler how to play independently.

There’s no handbook for becoming a parent. Every child is different and so is every situation. No matter how organised I am in our house, there have always been times when I’ve needed a couple of minutes just to pop into another room and do a few chores. Chores that would be done quicker if a certain toddler were occupied elsewhere.

It’s not a case of just leaving a toddler safely in a room because they may cry or scream because they miss you and then you’ll have an unhappy child and a parent who feels guilty about causing this.

The ideal situation is getting your child to entertain themselves for more than a couple of minutes in a safe area of your house. With no adult present.

Some reasons why you may want your child to play independently are that it can help them to become interested in reading; it gives them a chance to problem-solve for themselves without an adult hovering and helping every five seconds; and it gives them a chance to find out for themselves what their interests are.

Here are my tried and tested tips on bringing up a toddler who will play independently:

1. Show your child how to play.

Spend time with your child playing with them. This isn’t a quick fix. It won’t be show them and they play independently on the same day. This will be the work of a few weeks or more likely months and is all dependent on age, plus personality too.

By playing with your child and showing them some love and attention, you’ll be showing them how to play with the toys, what they can do with them. You’ll be providing them with the vocabulary of playing as well.

Talk as you play. Explain what you’re doing. Explain what you’re thinking.

Ease into independent play. A minute or so here and there to start and build up the amount slowly.

Watch them play by themselves. Start off playing with them and gradually ease yourself away and watch but join in again when they ask you something or give you something.

2. Provide them with open ended toys that require some concentration.

Open ended toys are toys which can be played with for a while without your child getting bored. They give the child the option of how to play with them and so the child isn’t forced into playing with the toy in a certain way. Open ended toys often involve using imagination and getting your child to concentrate to be successful.

Ideas include:

  • Play kitchen with equipment – Give them the opportunity to go shopping, cook and dish up all within the setting of their play kitchen. We’ve got a little toy trolley, kitchen with oven, cupboard and microwave and lots of different foods and utensils. We get tea and cakes made for us nearly every day!
  • Threading – this would need to be age appropriate and more suited for older toddlers and preschoolers. It takes concentration and fine motor skills to get the beads onto the thread. We have a set where the large beads are different animals. My daughter loves creating strings of animals all together.
  • Loose parts play – my daughter loves playing with beads (I can trust that she won’t eat them so for us, this is ok.) She enjoys moving the beads from play saucepan to play jug and back again. Stirring them using her play utensils and making “cupcakes” with them in her plastic cupcake cases. Loose parts play is about playing with items that aren’t traditionally or necessarily toys, they’re just loose parts, but using your imagination to make them into something else for the purpose of your play.
  • Wooden blocks can be used to build a tower or a fence or a house or anything they like. They can be cars when pulled along the floor as well. There are so many options for how to play with wooden blocks.
  • Paper cups can be made into a game to knock down. Or used in the pretend kitchen for pretend drinks.
  • Jigsaws – Not open ended but a great toy for getting kids thinking. Pick ones appropriate to their ability. We started off with the jigsaws where the pieces have those little handles on them and you just slot the individual pictures into their space. We, then, moved onto larger floor jigsaws with only a handful of pieces. And then onto ones with 16+ pieces of all her favourite princesses. Doing the same jigsaw several times is great too as they will start to remember the picture and find it easier with each go. My daughter loved it when I wrapped her jigsaw pieces in foil and she had to unwrap them and then make the jigsaws. I made a video which I posted on my Instagram which you can see below.

3. Provide sensory play

  • Taste-safe tuff tray activities such as crushed up chocolate breakfast cereal with some diggers.
  • Set up a farm tuff tray with Weetabix as hay bales, some fake grass and some plastic farm animals.
  • A dish with pink-dyed rice and lots of heart-shaped items makes a great sensory activity for Valentine’s Day.
  • Dyed rice and some scoops – my daughters LOVE this activity. It is so open ended. They do end up getting the rice everywhere but you can have rules or you can just get the vacuum out afterwards which is what we do.

Take a look at some spring sensory bin ideas here: Spring Sensory Bin Ideas For Toddlers – Fun Family Home

With this sensory bin idea, you know whether your child is capable of playing without putting things in their mouth so make your decision based on that knowledge.

4. Rotate their toys

Sometimes, children can have too many toys. They may get overwhelmed and your playroom or lounge ends up looking like a tip. Limit how many toys are available to them at any one time and do this for quiet time too. Allow them access to just a handful of toys so they have to really think about what they’re going to play with and how they’re going to play with it.

Honestly, this is the best tip here. We have far too many toys. Even with a declutter before Christmas and some toys in the loft and garage, we still need to massively declutter so the girls can see what they’ve got.

5. Ensure the space is safe and inviting for your child

For toddlers and young children to be independent, they’ve really got to be safe. Furniture needs to be attached to the walls, glass objects moved out of reach and anything at all that could pose a risk to them moved elsewhere. Some people call this a “yes” space. A space where there’s no need for anyone to say the word “no” because everything is safe to be around and to be played with.

Take a look at this blog post: How to Set Up an Engaging Play Space at Home – Fun Family Home

And if you’re going to be leaving your child alone for a short while as you do the dishes or the laundry, you’re going to need it to be safe for them. We had stair gates on all doors when we wanted to control who went into certain rooms and on the stairs and it just made for a happier household as we were able to know they were safe in one part of the house or the other while we did chores.

6. Make “Quiet Time” a regular activity

Getting Quiet Time into your child’s daily routine is a great idea. After lunch seems to be a popular time for this after having a full-on morning with parent-led activities and then lunchtime. It’s nice to have that peaceful half an hour for all involved to either play independently or get stuff done around the house or for work. Just make it part of your routine. Don’t use it scrolling on your phone, use it to get stuff done because come bedtime, you aren’t going to want to be doing cleaning – trust me!

The key here to get toddlers to play independently is to understand that it’s not a quick fix – it’s a skill which has to be learnt through repeated play with an adult showing the toddler how to play, how to problem solve and how to understand that they can do some things themselves without constant help from an adult.

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